Politics

The Zombie Question

On the most recent episode of Totally Rad Show (#66), a viewer emailed a question to the hosts that he wanted them to answer. The question was this: If you were going to battle a swarm of zombies, and you had your choice of any weapon actual or imagined, song playing in the background, and person to fight alongside you, what would your choices be?

As a zombie fan, I have given this question a great deal of thought over the last two days, and I have come up with my answer.

First, the weapon. My first instinct was to say chainsaw, but then it occurred to me that chainsaws can break, and need gas. Then I thought shotgun, but they run out of ammo. I thought I had settled on fireman’s axe, but then I thought it would be cool to have a bolt action rifle. Again, the rifle would be awesome, but it is too slow, and no good in close quarters combat. Then I heard the fan’s answer to this one part of the question; he wanted to use Darth Maul’s double-”bladed” light-saber. Ah ha! Clearly I am not thinking outside the box on this one. Then it hit me. BAM! The laser whip from Johnny Mnemonic. I couldn’t find a video of the major scene, but you can see a flash of it here, about 23 seconds in.

Now, what song would I choose? First, there are the obvious themed options: Zombie by The Cranberries, anything by Rob Zombie, White Zombie or The Zombies. Then there are the goofy options: the song that plays at the end of Evil Dead 2, or Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen, as an homage to Shaun of the Dead. Classical music might be cool: Also Sprach Zarathustra or Ride of the Valkyries. I have been working on a new Top 5 list for about a month, because I can’t whittle the list down, but the list is Top 5 Bad-ass Guitar Riffs. What better music to slay zombies to, than a bad-ass guitar riff? So, my soundtrack? The James Gang – Funk #49.

Finally, what person do I want fighting alongside me? The fan said River Tam, which is awesome. Dan from TRS gave what I believe to be the correct answer, if ever there was one to this question: Bruce Campbell. Despite being a huge fan (I have read both of his books), and being forever indebted to him for having opened my eyes to the wonderful world of cheesy horror movies, I have to pass on Bruce “Don’t-Call-Me-Ash” Campbell. So, who did I choose? Jack Bauer (or Keefer Sutherland, good choices whether you go with the actor or the character)? No. Chuck Norris? No. Christopher Walken. The answer was clear the second I heard the last part of the question. I only hesitated once and that was to ponder Bruce, but in the end, I stuck with my gut instinct.

So, to reiterate. If I was going to battle a swarm of zombies, and I had my choice of any weapon actual or imagined, song playing in the background, and person to fight alongside me, what would my choices be? Laser Whip, Funk #49, and Christopher Walken.

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